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Maxine on - Retirement as a Wal-Mart Greeter
21:05 May 27 2009
Times Read: 522




Unfortunately, as I have gotten older, I have become a little less sensitive.



So, after trying my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, last weekend (a good find for many retirees), I lasted less than a day......



About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, coyote ugly,

nasty woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.



As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'



The ugly, nasty woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.

Why the hell would you think they're twins?

Are you blind, or just stupid?'



So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am.

I just find it hard to believe you got laid twice.

Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'



My 25 year old supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work........ soooo maybe I'll go fishing.

5 Minute Management Course
21:00 May 27 2009
Times Read: 524

Lesson 1:





A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.



The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.



When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.



Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'





After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob , after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.





The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.



When she gets to the bathroom , her husband asks, 'Who was that?'



'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.



'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'







Moral of the story:



If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.









Lesson 2:



A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.



They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish..'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world..'

Puff! She's gone.



'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'



Puff! He's gone.



'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch'







Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.









Lesson 3





An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.



A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'



So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit



and ate it.







Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.









Lesson 4



A turkey was chatting with a bull.



'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'



The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.



The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.



Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.



He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.







Moral of the story:

Bull Sh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..







Lesson 5





A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.



While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.



As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.



The dung was actually thawing him out!



He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.



Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.







Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.



(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your

friend.



(3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep

your mouth shut!





THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE